(TPJ 188)
Steven Jonas, MD, MPH – April 24, 2008
A couple of weeks ago I ran a satirical piece on BuzzFlash
that our Editor/Publisher Steve Gheen really liked. Some of my readers
thought that it was a rather pale imitation of my favorite political humorist,
Andy Borowitz (and I did too). But
since Steve liked it, I thought that I would share it with you, along with two
other attempts at political humor from BuzzFlash. The one that Steve
liked is the third in this series. The first two sort
of lead into it. I have added bits of current political commentary
here and there, in parentheses.
From BuzzFlash, Jan. 7, 2008 (http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/jonas/093)
Senator John McCain celebrated his surprising 4th place finish in
Iowa by announcing the next in a series of surprising endorsements he has been
receiving since November. The first was that of Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS),
the self-described "Faith Candidate" representing Christian
fundamentalism. Before endorsing Sen. McCain, Sen. Brownback had recently
dropped out of the contest for the Republican Presidential nomination. That of
course is the same John McCain who took apart the Christian fundamentalist
leadership in the 2000 Presidential campaign. (You know, McCain the
straight-talking maverick.)
At about the same time, back in November, Pat Robertson came out with his
endorsement of Rudy Giuliani. (Who?) Then in December, McCain picked up the
endorsement of the party-less Sen. Joe Lieberman (who, as if on cue, has just
started red-baiting Obama). This despite the fact that McCain had previously
declared that he did not regard non-Christians as qualified to govern (The
Progress Report, "Blackout and Brownout," Oct. 1, 2007). Now,
with Huckabee's win in Iowa coupled with his own (media-described) “strong”
showing, McCain happily announced another endorsement from the Christian Right.
That personage is none other than the Robertson brother-in-hate, Jerry Falwell.
When a reporter questioned how that could be when Falwell was dead, the
spokesman first said that that in fact was a matter of controversy, "you
know, like global warming." Then he asked a question back: "What, you
think that Robertson is alive? And after all," he went on, "the
Senator's good friend Joe Lieberman, although breathing, is not qualified to
govern and is therefore dead as a political figure. But in any case," the
spokesman further allowed, "following Senator Brownback's lead about what
counts in life, we take the Falwell endorsement on faith."
From BuzzFlash, Feb. 19, 2008
(http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/jonas/102)
On "Morning Joe" on MSNBC today, without referring to
the specific texts that he quoted, Howard Wolfson, media director for the
Hillary Clinton presidential campaign, continued to call out Sen. Barack Obama
as a plagiarist. (My, the Clintons and their flacks have spent a long
time calling out Sen. Obama on various irrelevant things, now haven’t
they? Nothing worked until Pennsylvania. So you do have to give them credit for continuing to do
their best Rovian imitations, getting less pale as they go further beyond the
pale.) He noted that Gov. Deval Patrick of Massachusetts, a political
supporter and long-time friend and colleague of Sen. Obama, had used the same
quotes in a speech that Sen. Obama did. "This amounts to a major crack in
the Sen. Obama's credibility," Mr. Wolfson said, again without referring
to the specific famous historical quotes that the Senator had used.
Mr. Wolfson then went further, announcing that today four suits
for plagiarism were being lodged against Sen. Barack Obama, by Presidents
Thomas Jefferson, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and John F. Kennedy, along with
the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., all of whom Mr. Wolfson has already
resurrected. In doing so, he noted that Sen. John McCain has resurrected Rev.
Jerry Falwell to provide him (as noted just above) and that Sean Hannity was doing his level best to
resurrect Ronald Reagan so that he could once again run for President.
But, Wolfson said, he has outdone both of those worthies.
Of course it was Thomas Jefferson who wrote the statement that Sen. Obama
lifted from the Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be
self-evident," Franklin Delano Roosevelt who spoke those stirring words,
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself," John F. Kennedy who
uttered the great call to the American people, "Do not ask what your
country can do for you, but what you can do for your country," and the
Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., who proclaimed that "I have a dream."
The suits will be filed today in State Courts in Wisconsin, Texas, Ohio, and
Pennsylvania, where the campaign would be asking for very quick rulings.
Wolfson was absolutely sure that this move would show the power of the Clintons
(on the resurrection front) and bring back to her camp those voters who believe
in such things. Asked if the campaign was not grasping at straws by making such
a ganze megillah out of something that politicians do every day, quoting
from the all-time great statements and speeches by our nation's all-time great
leaders, Wolfson said: "We're not grasping at straws; we are simply eating
whatever lines are fed us." with an endorsement
Finally, from BuzzFlash, April 8, 2008
(http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/jonas/109)
Last week, in supporting their campaign's decision to "stay
in it until the end," former President Clinton said words to the effect of
"real Democrats want every vote to count," and also, it could be
implied, "want to count every vote." Thus, he said there would be no
pulling back, pulling out of the remaining primary contests. Those voters who
had not yet had a chance to vote in a Democratic primary had every right to
have their votes counted, for their candidates of choice.
From the Clintons' perspective, this is the case even though it is
virtually impossible for Hillary Clinton to win the nomination barring:
a) some disastrous new information coming out about Sen. Obama (and they
continue to do their best to make the complete distortion of his totally
correct “workers are bitter” comment such an event, handing their putative
buddy John McCain yet another hammer to bang Obama with on a silver platter,
and going even further in not joining McCain in condemning the now famous
“North Carolina Republicans Rev. Wright” ad.)
b) getting the rules vis-à-vis the Florida and
Michigan delegations changed,
c) her receiving some totally unpredicted results in the remaining primaries to
garner a totally unpredicted number of yet-to-be-elected pledged delegates
going her way,
d) her suddenly reversing the trending of super-delegate endorsement
announcements towards Sen. Obama,
e) her convincing committed Obama delegates that they should actually vote for
her while at the same time, given the rule she would like to have adopted that
there is no such thing as "committed" delegates, being able to hold
onto all of hers.
At any rate, it has now been reliably reported that Bill Clinton, in his drive
to have every vote count, is inviting back into the remaining primaries every
other Democratic candidate for the nomination who had previously dropped out,
with just a couple of exceptions. He has thus clearly stated that he wants all
of those Democrats who did not originally support either his wife or Senator
Obama to have their voices heard between now and the last primaries to be held
in early June. Actually, he is determined to have those contests be carried
"all the way to the convention," regardless of given candidate's
personal preference.
And so, he has invited back into the campaign, former Senator
Edwards (who has not yet endorsed either his wife or Senator Obama), Senator
Biden (who has not yet endorsed either his wife or Senator Obama), and Senator
Dodd (who has endorsed Sen. Obama, but rather quietly and anyway is a very
senior Democratic Senator). The former President pointedly excluded Gov.
Richardson from his list, describing him as "a traitor, and we cannot have
traitors running for President," former Sen. Gravel, describing him as “a
joke, not even having the grace to hire good writers like good Democrats do
(see his wife's appearance with Jay Leno and her attempt to make a joke out of
the "Bosnia-sniper-fire" fiasco,") and Rep. Kucinich, whom he
described as "not a real Democrat" for he is for single-payer health
insurance, establishing a Department of Peace, and complete, immediate, and
unconditional withdrawal from Iraq.
Asked how he would propose to fund his proposal, "by borrowing, of course.
After all, we are for providing the broadest foundation for democracy in our
country." He went on to say that if President Bush can borrow hundreds of
billions of dollars to support what he claims is the establishment of democracy
in the Middle East, an effort that the former President's wife once voted to
support, there is no reason why their campaign should not borrow a few million
to support this new effort at spreading democracy that he is proposing. The
former President did leave the proposed source of those borrowed funds
unspecified, but sources noted that he was looking into the possibility of
starting with a request to the government of Colombia, once his wife's real
position on "free trade" (otherwise known as the free export of
capital and jobs) was clarified.