Donald B.
Ardell – July 24, 2011
Lately,
I've been thinking: maybe I should start a church. I got the idea, of all
places, from the Wall Street Journal. (See Graeme Wood, "What Hubbard
Wrought: The story behind the belief system that attracted Tom Cruise and
Kirstie Alley," Wall Street Journal, July 8, 2011.)
I could
make stuff up, like Joe Smith (gold plates), Vonnegut's Bokonon (boko-maru,
grandalloons and karasses) and, more recently (1950), L. Ron Hubbard
(Teegeeack, audits and the intergalactic warlord Xenu). I could prosper and
grow rich with the Church of REAL Wellness, serving my flock. I could fund a
few politicians, demand respect for my beliefs and have laws passed and customs
nourished that rendered any criticism of my religion as disrespectful, maybe
even blasphemous.
I chould
do this but, as Richard Nixon would counsel, it would be wrong. Such practices
are typical of religions, existing and fictional. But, it is not my nature to
herd compliant sheep, unleash holy wars, erect gaudy temples, brainwash
followers or invent insane accounts of revelation and self-glorifying
commandments. No, I should instead pursue a different course. I should design a
kinder, gentler church, one founded on reason (a first among the genre),
exuberance rather than sorrow and fear, athleticism and liberty (another first,
for as Ingersoll remarked, the bible "imprisons the brain and corrupts the
heart").
I chould
do such a thing, but at the moment, I lack what Republican presidential
candidates brag about having, a "fire in the belly" for the mission.
It takes a lot of work, not to mention creativity, to make up the kind of stuff
that goes into a new religion. Also, I'd have to find my own John Travolta, Tom
Cruise and Kirstie Alley-level celebrities to front for The Church of REAL
Wellness. Who wants to spend that much time hanging out in Hollywood
recruiting?
Perhaps
this will change, and you might yet have an opportunity to convert to The
Church of REAL Wellness.
Donald B.
Ardell is the Well Infidel. He
favors evidence over faith, reason over revelation and meaning and purpose over
spirituality. His enthusiasm for
reason, exuberance and liberty are reflected in his books (14), newsletter (583
editions of a weekly report) and many speeches.. Write Don at
awr.realwellness@gmail.com